


(it's been waiting for you)

by theladyscribe



Category: The Nanny Diaries
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 10:27:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2847662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladyscribe/pseuds/theladyscribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grayer arrives in Grand Central on July 2, 2003. It's the late morning rush hour, men and women in business suits moving like an endless stream around him.</p>
<p>Someone bumps into him from behind, snarls, "move it, asshole," and jostles him into the flow of people. He follows the crowd outside into the early summer humidity of Manhattan.</p>
<p>He takes a deep breath, taking in the familiar scent of car exhaust, sweat, and urine.</p>
<p>He knows it's stupid and dangerous, but Grayer heads back inside Grand Central and catches the Uptown 6 to 77th anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(it's been waiting for you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sevenfoxes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenfoxes/gifts).



> When I saw your prompt for Nanny Diaries, I knew I had to write this story. I hope you like it!
> 
> Title stolen from Taylor Swift's "Welcome To New York."

**(it's been waiting for you)**

Grayer arrives in Grand Central on July 2, 2003. It's the late morning rush hour, men and women in business suits moving like an endless stream around him.

Someone bumps into him from behind, snarls, "move it, asshole," and jostles him into the flow of people. He follows the crowd outside into the early summer humidity of Manhattan.

He takes a deep breath, taking in the familiar scent of car exhaust, sweat, and urine.

He knows it's stupid and dangerous, but Grayer heads back inside Grand Central and catches the Uptown 6 to 77th anyway.

There's already a bustle of tourists at the 77th Street station, probably headed for the Met and the Frick. Grayer follows them out to the sidewalk but cuts up Madison to 81st. The block looks smaller than he remembers (the whole city looks smaller than he remembers), the limestone and brick facades less intimidating than when he was a boy. He walks past 5200 like he's headed away from the park, stops, and turns back around to pass it again. It's late enough that he thinks his mother will be the only person home.

Getting into the building is easier than he expected. He isn't dressed particularly nicely, but when he walks into the lobby, the doorman--Jackson, he thinks--says, "Are you here for the open house? You're a bit early, sir, but I can let you in."

"Yes," he answers. "The commute took less time than I expected."

The doorman directs him to the bank of elevators, keys in his card, and presses the button for the twelfth floor. "Have a good day, sir."

Grayer smiles. "You too."

As soon as the doors close behind him, he presses the button for eight.

When the elevator dings for the eighth floor, the doors open, and he hesitates long enough for them to start to close again. Grayer jams his thumb down on the "OPEN DOORS" button and steps into the hallway before he can second-guess himself. He raises his hand to knock on apartment 8C, but the door swings open before his fist lands.

"Oh!" says his mother. "Can I help you?"

Grayer freezes and then, "I'm here for the open house?"

"I believe that's on the twelfth floor, at the Yanceys' place."

"Oh, of course. Thank you, ma'am."

His mother smiles in that way that he always associated with mild irritation. "You're welcome. Now if you'll excuse me." She pushes past him, headed for the elevators, already pulling out her sunglasses.

Grayer watches her go, trying to keep the wistful look from his face when she turns around as she steps into the elevator.

Rather than catch an elevator back downstairs, Grayer takes the stairs up to the open house, in part so he can collect himself. He had thought that seeing his mother again would be a chance to tell her how much he loved her and missed her, but that was clearly a stupid plan.

The realtor eyes him suspiciously when he walks into the apartment, a little pink from climbing four stories. She hands him a card regardless, unfailingly polite in her sneering judgment, like so many Upper East Siders he's known. "We're not accepting bids on the home until Thursday," she explains. "The owners have no wish for their party to be a bidding war."

Grayer nods and takes the card. "I'll keep that in mind."

He wanders through the apartment long enough that he knows his mother will be long gone from the neighborhood, nods at the realtor in farewell, and makes his escape.

*

He spends the rest of his day wandering all over Manhattan, marveling at the way some things have changed and others have not. He takes the Staten Island Ferry just because he can, staring at the empty space where the Towers used to stand and One World Trade will dominate the skyline in a decade.

Eventually, exhaustion catches up with him, and he gets a room at a European-style hotel in Midtown. It's small and overpriced, but comfortable. Grayer falls asleep almost before his head hits the pillow.

The next morning, Grayer closes out his bill at the hotel and steps back out into the city.

When he stops for breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts, he shoves a hand in his pocket for change and pulls out the business card for the Yancey family's realtor.

Grayer stares at it long enough that the person behind him in line starts grumbling. He pays for his donuts and sits at the counter, thumbing the corner of the card, a stupid, dangerous thought tickling at his mind.

*

He purchases the apartment on the twelfth floor. He rationalizes that it's a secure location, that he knows how to blend into the community on the Upper East Side, that it's a good way for him to explain his wealth (the time travel fund is more than enough money to live on for decades; he'll never want for anything).

He settles in, makes friends, finds a job as a paralegal. Grayer (Hayden now, he repeats to himself, until he says it without thinking to anyone who asks) knows he should contact the scientists in Boston like he'd been instructed to do in the training for his trip, but he can't quite make himself do it. Tomorrow, he rationalizes. He'll do it tomorrow.

He tells himself that a lot, but tomorrow never seems to arrive, and before long, he's been in New York for four years. He's settled in, found a job that keeps him busy, made friends, made a home. He's half-forgotten the reason he stayed in the first place, rarely sees his mother, speaks to her even less than that.

He has a day off in early June, and he decides to go to Coney Island just because he can.

When the doors open, there's a stroller in the elevator, and he realizes with a start that it's his. Or was his. The elevator dings on the eighth floor, and the doors open to reveal a girl with her pants almost at her knees.

Annie.

She's blushing as she pulls up her pants, flustered and stammering about it being her first day and not what she expected. He doesn't remember her being this startlingly pretty, but to be fair, he was only seven the last time he saw her. Girls still had cooties back then (back now, he reminds himself).

He cracks a joke, because what else can he do, and she snaps at him while the seven-year-old version of himself shouts through the door.

"Let me try?" he asks, stupidly.

"Be my guest," Annie mutters.

He crouches down to talk to Grayer through the door, and before long, it opens tentatively. Though he's been here four years now, the sight of his tiny self still surprises him. He doesn't remember being this small, not really, but he does remember being unspeakably sad, a feeling that lasted until after the divorce. Hayden's eyes catch on the business card pinned to Grayer's shirt, and he turns away before he can reach for it. (He'll burn that talisman when he turns fifteen, after Mom dies and Dad enrolls him in the boarding school upstate rather than let him continue in the charter school Mom had let him choose.)

He stands up and grins at Annie. "Need anything else?"

"I can handle it from here, thanks."

"Then I'll leave you to it--?"

"Annie."

"Annie. I'm Hayden." He holds out a hand, which she doesn't shake.

*

He doesn't see Annie again until the Fourth of July.

Hayden startles when he sees her; she's decked out in one of the more ridiculous holiday-themed outfits he remembers from his childhood. He darts a look to see if Grayer is around, dressed in the godawful George Washington outfit that matches the Betsy Ross dress Annie is sporting. He's not, and Hayden thumbs the button for the eighth floor while trying unsuccessfully to hold in a snort.

"I didn't pick it," Annie says quickly, like Hayden might actually think she _chose_ to wear a hoop skirt and cap.

"You look nice," he says, going for casual, though it comes out a little wheezy. "Very patriotic."

It's definitely the wrong thing to say, because Annie glares at him for a moment and then stares straight ahead at the elevator doors.

When they hit the eighth floor, she sashays out of the elevator without looking back.

Hayden keeps his laughter in until after the doors close, but he's still chuckling on his way back out.

*

After that, he doesn't expect to see much of Annie any more, so he's surprised to see her at the bar. He probably shouldn't be surprised by the teasing from his friends nor by Annie's reaction to them, but even that is kind of unexpected.

When she leaves, Hayden debates whether or not to chase after her, but Richie and Garth won't let him up, too busy bitching about snotty nannies and their sense of entitlement.

"She must be really good in the sack if her mouth's not a turn-off," Garth slurs at him. It's all Hayden can do not to haul back and slug him.

"Don't be an idiot," Murray says from across the table. "That mouth of hers is one of her best assets."

Hayden doesn't even bother to finish his drink. He stands up, throws some cash on the table, and says, "I'm out. I'll see you all later."

Richie calls after him, shouting something about how they "didn't mean it," but Hayden just waves it off and slams out of the bar.

He decides to walk back to his apartment instead of catching a cab, not wanting to accidentally arrive at the building at the same time as Annie.

It's fifteen blocks, but it's a balmy summer night, and honestly, Hayden could use the time to think. Annie's words stung, all the worse for knowing that she's talking about his parents, his mom--whom he loves--and his dad--whom he hasn't loved for a long time. He doesn't remember her ever telling him bad things about his parents when she watched him, but he wonders just what it is she had to deal with. He knows his dad slept around (still does, in the future), and it seems pretty obvious that Annie has seen something.

Hayden isn't sure if he wants to know what she's seen or not.

He's halfway home when he remembers that after Annie came the divorce. His mom never said so, but he's always had an inkling that whatever happened between Annie and his parents that summer was--not the cause, maybe, but definitely the catalyst for the break-up. At the time, he resented it. As he's gotten older, he's learned to appreciate it.

Especially now that he's seen his parents as an outsider, Hayden knows that his mother was unhappy before the divorce. He supposes they both were, but he's seen his father only a handful of times in the last four years, his presence far more notable than his frequent absences. The few times he sees his mom, she is distant, a curl of unhappiness visible if never acknowledged.

Hayden stops short of letting himself wonder if she stayed as long as she did because of him.

When he gets back to their building, he stops at the doorman's desk. "Hey, Jackson, can you do me a favor?"

Phone number in hand, he heads upstairs.

*

He's braced for a rejection, so when Annie agrees to go to dinner with him, he's elated. "Okay," he says, trying not to jump in excitement. "You won't regret this. I promise."

Hayden plans out the date perfectly (and tries not to cringe about how weird it is that he's going on a date with his one-time nanny). He makes reservations at a place down near Serendipity 3, thinking they might put their name in for frozen hot chocolate after dinner, he debates about flowers and decides against them, and he even buys a new shirt for the occasion.

And then Annie calls to say she has an interview with the Collegiate tutor. "It starts at five, so I probably can't make seven, but I should be able to make it by seven-thirty," she says apologetically. "I'll let you know as soon as I'm out, okay?"

"Yeah, of course," Hayden answers, trying not to let the disappointment show in his voice.

He changes the reservation to eight o'clock just to be safe, but he's not surprised when he gets a call from Annie at seven-fifteen saying, "We're taking a five minute break. I think I'll be out by eight-thirty. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he half-lies. He doesn't point out that the restaurant closes its kitchen at nine-thirty.

At ten o'clock, the maître-d' kicks him out of the restaurant with the most sympathetic sneer Hayden's seen in his life. He resists the urge to insist that he hasn't been dumped, his date's just got a shitty job that keeps her longer than it should, and he goes to sit on the stoop to wait.

Annie arrives at ten-thirty, breathless and apologetic. "If I'd known, I would have cancelled tonight," she says.

Hayden cracks a smile. "I'm glad you didn't."

He takes her to Donatello's and they get greasy slices of pepperoni to go. They settle down on the steps of the Met and talk. The subject of Annie's outburst at the bar comes up, and it's not long before she's accusing him of living a "charmed life."

It stings, because it's true in some ways and very much not true in others. He desperately wants to disabuse her of the notion that he was actually _happy_ before his parents divorced, because he really, really wasn't. And then, after his mom died, well, things got worse before they got better.

"For your information, my parents divorced when I was a kid, and my mother died when I was fifteen. My father traveled constantly for work and shipped me off to boarding school so he wouldn't have to deal with me. Before the divorce, I had nine different nannies--more than one for every year I was alive. That's how _charmed_ my life was." He doesn't mean for the bitterness to creep into his voice, but once it's there, he can't let it go.

"I'm sorry," she starts, but he speaks over her.

"And I guarantee that if you asked Richie and Murray and Garth about their childhoods, they'd have pretty similar stories. Just because we've got money and status doesn't mean we're all that happy about it." He shrugs. "I mean, Richie's still an asshole, and I'm sorry about what he said, but I'd like to think that I at least turned out to be a decent guy."

Annie looks away, and he can't tell if she's angry or embarrassed. "I didn't know," she says quietly. "I guess I'm an asshole, too."

Hayden deflates at that, because that wasn't what he was shooting for. "You're not," he assures her. "You're better than ninety percent of the nannies I had as a kid."

She quirks a smile at that. "Just ninety percent?"

"Well, yeah. I had this one nanny--she was a total babe. She automatically wins all the nanny competitions."

Annie scoffs and shoves him. "Now who's the asshole?" she mutters, but there's laughter in her voice. Hayden grabs her wrist and pulls her closer, pressing a light kiss to her cheek.

"Never said I wasn't one."

Annie hums in agreement and then says thoughtfully, "I just… I would love to quit. I really would, but I don't think I can leave Grayer." She leans back to look up at him. "You're gonna think I'm crazy, but I also feel really bad for her."

Hayden freezes, his chest tight. These are the things he didn't know, that he couldn't have known, and he wonders if--

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Well, you know, you could be suffering from Stockholm syndrome," he jokes, because if he tries to give a serious answer he's going to fall apart. "You ever heard of Patty Hearst?"

"Are you kidding?"

"Yes." Hayden's pretty sure that if either of them have Stockholm syndrome, it's _him_ , head over heels for his once-and-former nanny. He shifts a little, and Annie takes it as her cue to stand up.

"I should get going," she says, tugging at her skirt.

"Yeah, no, of course." Hayden stands and gathers up the box from their dinner, tossing it in a trashcan as they walk back toward Madison.

When they get to the corner of Madison and 80th, Hayden stops Annie.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just think you should probably let me kiss you right now."

"What?"

"Well, we're two blocks from home, and if we get any closer, I won't be able to go near you. Which, to tell you the truth, is all I've thought about since I saw you in that Betsy Ross get-up."

Annie wrinkles her nose at him, and he finds it so absolutely endearing he wants to find a way to get her to do it again. "That is really kinky and weird."

Hayden lets out a huffing breath. "You don't know the half of it."

Annie laughs, but she leans up to kiss him anyway. Hayden would like to hold this moment forever, but she pulls away when a taxi honks as it passes.

They walk the rest of the way back to the building with the width of another person between them, but Jackson still quirks an eyebrow when he sees them walk in.

Hayden hopes that they'll be the only ones on the elevator, but at the last second, a woman with a yappy dog steps on and stands between them.

"Sixteen, please." Hayden presses the button a little more forcefully than necessary.

When they reach the eighth floor, he calls out, "Good night," as Annie steps off.

"Good night," she mumbles, blushing.

"Pleasant evening," says the woman with a smirk as the doors close.

"Yeah," he sighs.

He steps out of the elevator with a nod to the woman and her dog, pulling out his keys as he goes. Hayden's halfway in the door when he hears a door open behind him with a clatter. He turns just in time for Annie to launch herself into his arms.

"Wha--" is all he has time to say before they fall across the threshold.

*

He likes sneaking around. It's almost funny, that he's sneaking around his parents to date a girl and they don't even know it's him. He and Annie plan to go out every night she has off, but they wind up staying in as often as not. It's wonderful. The sex is great, Annie is amazing, and Hayden feels like there's nothing better than this.

And then it all goes to shit.

He doesn't get the frantic voicemail about Grayer being sick until after Annie's mom and his mom meet. By the time he knows what's happened, it's too late for him to do anything about it except let Annie cry into his shoulder.

"He was so sick, and Mrs. X wasn't answering her phone, and I just didn't know what else to do," she sniffs. "And now everything's fucked up, and my mom hates me and Mrs. X thinks I'm a terrible caretaker, and I--"

"Shhh," he soothes, rubbing Annie's back as she wipes at her eyes. "Clearly, the woman is crazy--" he sends a silent apology to his mom in the future "--and you need to quit. It's that simple."

Annie pulls away from him. "I can't quit now! We're going to Nantucket!"

Hayden tries not to huff in frustration. He knows what's coming, if they're going to Nantucket: there will be the party, and something will happen (he still doesn't know exactly what, though he can make a good guess), and they'll fire Annie. It's the most devastating thing to happen to him at the age of seven, up until the divorce. But maybe he can fix that without changing things too much.

"What if I made you a tempting offer?" he tries. "I'm gonna go to my friend's house in Southampton for a month. You should come with me, do a little soul-searching." He waggles his eyebrows, wanting her to laugh or at least crack a smile. "We'll have the whole house to ourselves. Walk on the beach, drink all the red wine in the cellar, grill fish we catch in the morning. Whaddya say?"

"That sounds like heaven." She pauses a beat, and Hayden thinks he's got her, only for his hopes to be dashed. "But what if this vacation can save their marriage? If I quit now, I'll ruin it and break Grayer's heart."

"What if I told you that you'll break Grayer's heart even if you do go?" The words are out of his mouth before he even thinks about what he's saying.

Annie frowns in obvious confusion. "What? How would I--?"

"Just, what if something happens, something goes wrong while you're in Nantucket, and you break his heart anyway?" He's desperate now, mind racing, trying to find a way to keep the two weeks in Nantucket from happening.

"What do you mean, 'what if something goes wrong'? I can't break his heart if I'm there doing my job." Annie starts to get up, annoyance coming off her in waves, and Hayden catches her wrist to pull her back down.

"Annie, listen to me." He waits until she's looking him in the eye, trying not to flinch at the frown on her face. "Don't go to Nantucket. Please. You don't have to come with me to Southampton, just--don't go to Nantucket. Ask for time off to see your dying grandmother if you can't bring yourself to quit, but please. _Don't go_."

"I'm not going to _lie_ to my employers, Hayden. And I'm not going to quit." She tugs her arm out of his grasp. "Now come on, let me go pack."

"Annie, it's going to go wrong in Nantucket."

She stills. "How do you know that."

Hayden bites his lip, trying to decide how much he should say.

"Hayden?"

He swallows and decides he might as well go for broke. "My name isn't Hayden Jacobs. It's Grayer Addison Xavier, and I was born in 1999. I came here from the future, as part of a time travel experiment. You're working for my parents right now, and if you go to Nantucket, you're going to break my heart."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Annie snaps at him, grabbing her bag and jacket. "What the fuck, Hayden? Are you some kind of psychopath? Is this some kind of sick joke?"

He doesn't have an answer for her, so he keeps his mouth shut as she pulls on her shoes and heads for the door.

"Have a nice life, jackass," she says just before she lets the door slam behind her.

*

Hayden spends the next two days with his stomach in knots before he finally decides to try calling the house in Nantucket, to see if he can at least apologize. He talks to Annie precisely once, barely getting out a hello, and they're interrupted by his mother, who wants the phone.

Every time he tries to call after that, his mom--and once, his father--answers. Annie is always "out with Grayer," even when he can hear her voice in the background.

After the first week, he gives up.

*

He's woken in the middle of the night by someone pounding on the door to his apartment. Hayden isn't sure what he's expecting when he opens the door, but it isn't Annie, looking desperate and out of sorts.

"For the record, I'm still angry at you, because you had no business being such a jackass to me, but--" Her face crumples, and she lets out a sob. "They fired me."

Hayden steps toward her, arms open. Annie takes the offer and wraps her own arms around him, crying into his shoulder.

"I didn't--I didn't know where else to go. Lynette's not answering her phone, and my mom is still mad at me about being a nanny, and I--"

"Shhh, shh," Hayden says, rubbing a hand over her back. "Do you want to come inside?"

She nods, and he steps back, letting her into the apartment. He leads her into the kitchen, where he pours her a glass of water.

"You can stay the night if you want. The bed in the guest room's made up, and there's fresh towels, too."

Annie nods and takes a sip of her water. "Thanks."

Hayden smiles. "It's not a problem." He rubs a hand over his chin. "Look, Annie, about before--"

"I shouldn't have gone to Nantucket," she says. "But you shouldn't have tried to pull that bullshit, Hayden. Time travel? Seriously?"

Hayden takes a deep breath and looks down at the counter before he speaks. "It wasn't a lie. You don't have to believe me, and you don't have to ever see me again after tonight if you don't want to, but I swear to you, it's the truth. I volunteered for a time travel experiment just after finishing college at Harvard in 2023. It was supposed to be twenty-four hours in 2003, but I missed the window for the extraction."

He finally looks up. Annie has a disbelieving frown on her face, but she isn't throwing her water at him and she isn't storming out of the apartment, so he barrels on. He tells her everything, from why he signed up for the experiment in the first place (money, and a secret wish to see his mom again, before the cancer diagnosis), to why he missed the extraction (intentional; he hated his life in the future and wanted to start fresh), to how he ended up here, living in an apartment four floors above his parents and his seven-year-old self.

"I'd almost forgotten about you," he confesses. "All the nannies kind of blurred together after a while. You only stood out because you were the last."

Hayden stops there, not sure how much more he should say now that he's brought everything back to the present moment.

Annie is silent for a long time, and Hayden resists the urge to fidget.

"I'm not saying I believe you," she says slowly, "but if you're telling the truth, tell me this: do things work out?"

Hayden sighs, considering his words. "I'd like to think so."


End file.
